I lost trust in the reliability of my car. This may seem an unusual way to talk about losing trust. Last week I could not shift out of park nor could I take the key out. I had the car repaired and after a few trips the problem recurred but was worse. After more adjustments the mechanic assured me from now on I would have no more problems. His reassurance did not really help me. I was anxious every time I used the car that the problem would emerge again. Now after a week of no recurring problems I have relaxed. I now trust that the problem has been fixed.
It is so much harder when there is loss of trust in a relationship. It may take a much longer time to regain trust if trust has been shattered. The betrayer frequently feels that when he/she has apologized and made amends that the partner should be able to trust him/her again. This will depend on the nature and severity of the action that led to the loss of trust.
The partner who has lost trust needs to see behavior change over time to begin to rebuild trust. Words alone are not enough. There have to be actions that show that there is real sincerity to the apology and a commitment not to have it happen again.
Once trust in someone is lost it just takes time for it to be rebuilt. The time can not be rushed it will just happens if there is no additional behavior that raises concerns.
If your partner loses trust in you it would seem wise to live according the old adage “avoid the very appearance of evil”.
Do you think that sometimes it is a slow change in our standard of behavior that leads us to a situation where we step across the “line”? The line was quite far away at one time and then it was one step away that last time.
Someone who has lost trust may need some help (counseling or coaching) getting clarity on how their day to day actions look and whether they are really sorry or just sorry they were caught.