Most of us lead very busy lives.  It is easy to forget that we need to also nourish our senses.  We stop seeing what is right around us.  When I go for a walk I have to consciously remind myself to stay in the present and pay attention.  If I do not do that I will be in my own little world thinking about all kinds of things.  What I am not seeing is the houses on my street, the kind of gardens people have, what the people look like that you pass, is there wind rustling, etc.

W e have to cultivate our senses.  If we do not do that our lives become routine and lose their luster.  We have to re-sensitize ourselves in order to live vibrantly.

Stress and commitments will do that to us.  W are so focused on what we need to do that we stop paying attention to what is around us.  We are not present in the present.  I have found that taking Yoga classes has helped me stay present.  I was surprised how difficult staying mindful has been  for me.  Repeatedly I would catch myself at being somewhere else than where I actually was.

Stop and smell the roses.  By practicing paying mindful attention you will be more aware of yourself and others.  By engaging all your senses your life will  become more vibrant.

The last seven days have been filled with news of the devastating earthquake in Haiti.  I feel for all the people who are desperate to find food, medical care, a place to sleep,  and are looking for their  loved ones or grieving their loss. They are right now helpless to solve many of these concerns themselves and have to rely on the generosity of others to provide for them. Their  needs are overwhelming.   I would like to do more than give money and end feel helpless that there is so little I can do.

I have worked with  people who have felt helpless in their relationships. These have not been relationships where there is a genuine reason to be afraid.  Instead it has been a helplessness of their own making although they have not seen it as such.  Instead the  person who has felt helpless was deferring to the spouse when it came to making decisions.  Gradually that lead to an abdication of ones own power resulting in feeling powerless.

The way to change from feeling helpless is to take action.  The first action is to ask “what do I want”. That is the way to get back in touch with ones own essence.  I like the following quote by Galileo: “You can not teach a man anything, you have to help him find it within himself”.

Ultimately the people in Haiti will have to go inside themselves and find the strength to rebuild their lives. When they do that they will no longer be helpless.

A dear friend of mine sent me a copy of an article by Tara Parker-Pope with the title :  WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR? A LONGER LIFE.  The gist of the article is that one of the most powerful weapons for slowing aging and prolonging life is to have good friends. In addition to sending the article to me,  she emailed it to two other mutual friends.

The four of us  met in the graduate student dorm at the University of Minnesota.  Our friendship has lasted over 40 years. In the last 15 years we started having yearly five day reunions.   We have been there for each other through the joys and tribulations that life brings.

It is interesting to read that researchers are now validating what the four of us long ago figured out. We knew that our friendship made our lives richer and that our bond  augmented our lives.  What we did not know was that it would also help us live longer.

Developing and keeping good friendships needs to be added to the recommendations on how to age vibrantly.

When the economy is gyrating and mostly going down it creates fear and anxiety in our lives. Here are a few ideas that can be helpful in managing fear and anxiety:

1. You can reduce your anxiety by accepting that many things are indeed out of your control. Your task now is to look for doable solutions in your personal situation.
2. Remember that when people are stressed they are much more apt to revert to all or nothing thinking, imagine worst case scenarious, and fall into “if only I had” thinking. Catch yourself and if you find that you are doing that remind yourself that these are exaggerations.
3. Decide what you can do now that would be helpful and ease some of the anxiety.
4. For instance if you have decided to cut back on spending come up with a specific first step. Here is a simple example. For instance, you may decide to pack your lunch rather than buy your lunch at work. This is something that is immediately doable and will give you a sense of control. Then add other doable steps.
5. Keep in mind that when worry and stress are managed the mind is freed to look for solutions.

I recently published at Ezine Articles ”Stress Management — Coping Skills for Couples in Uncertain Times,” which some of you may find helpful. There is also an article on “Handling Stress — Helping Children Cope in Uncertain Times.”

A dear friend of mine shared how surprised she was by her husband’s reaction to the current financial crisis. He was panicking and saying that he did not think he would ever be able to retire now. This was not the way he typically handled concerns — somehow this was different for him. Seeing their hard earned money lose considerable value became something that he felt responsible for. He fretted that he had not made better decisions to diversify more and that he was letting her down. Since they had both made the decisions of how much and where to invest she was taken a back how personally he reacted this time.

My experience has been that we often don’t know what situation may set off an unfamiliar response in us. The trigger for my friend’s husband was an old message that he had a long time ago heard from his father: “It is a man’s job to provide for his wife.” He had not even been consciously aware that he had held on to this belief all these years. What helped him lessen his anxiety were her gentle reminders that they were in this together and that she did not hold him responsible. As they reverted to their normal process of finding solutions together his anxiety calmed.

When worried it is important to not keep it all to oneself. A typical reaction to anxiety is to revert to all-or-nothing thinking, to personalize the problem, and to lose perspective. Having a partner or friend with whom to talk things over can help to lessen the worries. When there is less anxiety, it becomes possible to start looking for how this crisis will impact the future and find solutions.