This morning I went for my annual physical.  Still waiting for the blood work to come back but all else looked good. One of the first questions my doctor asked me was how much I exercised.  I was pleased to be able to say that I am regular about doing pilates and yoga every week in addition to walking  4 days a week.

For years I was not consistent with exercise. I would start enthusiastically and then things would come up and I would lose the momentum.  It wasn’t until I got serious about strengthening my personal foundation over  ten years ago that exercise has become a must do part of my life.  The impetus for me was that I had turned sixty and wanted to be healthy because there were so many things that I still wanted to do.  Initially I had to force myself to be consistent.  The only way that worked for me was to not give myself a choice based on  if I felt like exercising or not.  Instead I just had to do it.  Of course there are times when I have to adjust my schedule but I manage to be pretty consistent in sticking to my schedule.

My doctor went on to say that he sees more physical problems  and lethargy and depression in people who do not take care of their bodies by exercising.  He has also noted that people who have been exercisers and then stop may have  either a medical problem or are dealing with life issues that are weighing them down.  People who want to strengthen their personal foundation recognize that exercise is an important aspect of self care.

When one person in a relationship starts making changes and the other doesn’t there is  an effect on the balance of the relationship.  Whenever I am coaching someone at some point this balance struggle arises.  This does not  just happen to the people I coach but it is a universal phenomenon.  As one person starts making consistent changes there is an effort by others to reestablish the old equilibrium.

Once one understands that this is bound to happen it becomes easier to resist the return to the old equilibrium.  No doubt you have heard or experienced that when trying to loose weight friends, spouses, co-workers etc. may start bringing in foods that undermine these efforts.  The key is to stay stead fast and ignore this sabotage and in time others will accept the change. Likewise,  when initiating change in a relationship balance there will inevitably be some resistance.  Even though the steps taken may be all for the good there will be a brief period of pull back by others to the familiar equilibrium.

This Thursday, August 13, I will discuss this phenomenon in detail in my weekly Radio Show:http://www.vibrantafterfifty.com

One of the most influential teachers I ever had was Virginia Satir.  She was a pioneer in family therapy. I believe, her greatest contribution was her stead fast belief that “our path to our higher selves is through the development of high self-worth and that all people can learn to behave in accordance with their higher natures.”

She was  optimistic about human potential. She believed that if one  grew up in a home where  parents could not teach  self worth one could learn new coping and communication skills later in life that would be empowering.  Much of  my work is exactly that – guiding people to bring forth their human potential.  I do this by teaching self-growth and relationship skills for enhancing self mastery and strengthening relationships.  Additionally, I provide coaching over the telephone and therapy in my office in Annapolis.

I have been asked if one truly can strengthen ones emotional fitness after age fifty.  My answer is a resounding yes.  And I would add that it is possible also in the decades that follow.  I have seen men and women who have put their primary energy into their business and professional lives  realize that they no longer want to neglect their emotional needs.  In the second half of life there is an internal push towards wholeness.  Thus we see people who have submerged their need for creativity start developing that side, likewise we see people who have submerged their feelings and wants  start to grow emotionally.

Thought of the day:

The minute a man (or woman-my addition) ceases to grow, no matter what his years, that minute he begins to be old.  William James

What makes it possible for some people to come through hard times emotionally intact while others flounder? My mother, who died recently at age 95, was one of the people who could successfully deal with changes in adverse circumstance. She managed to convey trust that we would get through anything as long as we loved and supported each other.  As a young woman of 30 with a husband, 4 young children and mother she fled from Estonia to Austria during the Second World War and later immigrated to the USA. She had lived a comfortable life in Estonia and subsequently was faced with challenges which required enormous emotional resources. Of course it has only been as an adult that I have understood how important her steadfastness was for all of us. Looking back at her life I can see that there is much to learn from how she dealt emotionally with whatever life brought.

Tips from my mother:

1. Life can be unpredictable so make the best of it.
2. Don’t forget to go for a walk because it will clear your mind.
3. Be adaptable and resilient as you deal with never encountered situations.
4. Remember you can lose material things but you will always have what is within you.
5. Get nurturance from nature, music and literature.
6. Be generous, loving, and share laughter with others.
7. Live in the present and do not complain.