I like to think that I have learned the difference between personal development and personal evolution.  It has taken me time to appreciate the difference.  For most of us real personal evolution happens in the second half of life. That is when we are conscious of our inner need to live authentically. I see personal development as the steps in evolving our lives towards expanding our potential.

Personal evolution is the discovery of becoming who one is capable of being by letting life unfold without tightly controlling the outcome.   It is based on accepting and loving  who one is and discovering who one is capable of being.  The challenge becomes to expect oneself to live life to the fullest.

Here is an example of what I mean.  A neighbor of mine  had been divorced many years and yearned to meet someone who would value her.  Yet in her mind she doubted that it would happen.  She was right.  She was hoping for a prince but did not see herself as a princess. She did not feel good about herself and the men she dated reflected that.  In order to meet the kind of person she envisioned she first had to evolve her life so that she felt that she had something of value to offer.  After  focusing on upgrading her life  several years later she met a man who was looking for a competent self assured partner.  She had evolved herself into becoming just that kind of woman. 

When we truly listen to ourselves we do hear our dreams.  It is often easier to rationalize these dreams away as being unreachable or silly hopes.  If instead we honor  them and apply effort and persistence to reach them we will indeed be  living  life to the fullest.

Recently I came across a great visual for empowerment “Get out of the backseat and get behind the steering wheel.” When you are in the driver’s seat and want to start moving you have to take action.  Turn on the ignition, put the car in drive, and follow the road.  If you don’t take those steps you will stand still. It is the driver who has to start the process of getting started.

It  takes little energy to stay in the backseat; however, gradually it will lead to feeling stifled. Whenever we settle for less than we are capable off we short change ourselves.  It takes energy to get out of the backseat and take responsibility to be in the driver’s seat and choose the path we want to be on. First of all you have to believe that you can change the condition of your life.  Secondly, you have to take action to make change happen.

I believe that inside every one of us is a drive that propels us to grow and expect more of ourselves.  It is when we ignore this inner voice that we are apt to settle for the backseat. Energy comes from feeling in charge of the direction of our lives.  We have to take action in order to create energy for ourselves.  For example, we can do that by eating nutritious foods, exercising, getting adequate rest, having positive relationships etc.  When we take care of ourselves we become energized and discover that we are no longer in the backseat but instead are in the front seat.  There is a new found feeling of empowerment in being able to choose the direction we want our life to take.

I came across a quote by Galileo that has left me puzzled.  He said:”You cannot teach a man anything. You can only help him discover it within himself.” As a life coach I have helped men and women discover and bring forth  their strength and passions which allowed them to expnd their lives.  They took the action. I assisted in opening their minds to knew possibilities. 

It is the first part of the quote “You cannot teach a man anything” that bothers me. I don’t believe that.  Knowing what to do makes a big difference in our lives.  My neighbor just had neck surgery.  Learning what to expect in recovery, having specific exercises that will strengthen the neck muscles and understanding the pace of recovery have all been extremely helpful in helping her emotionally deal with the slow recovery from this major surgery.

Much of my work has been in helping couples learn healthy communication skills. When couples have applied what they learned they discovered that they were willing to take risks with themselves and speak from the heart.

What is true about what Galileo says is that ultimately we each are responsible for ourselves.  He understood that it is up to each of us to discover who we are and what we are capable of doing.  My mother in her late eighties began crocheting afghans for her great grandchildren.  She knew how to crochet and was used to following patterns.  This time however she took  the bold step of designing each afghan herself  and created a unique personalized design for each afghan.  She did what Galileo said we all need. She discovered within her new talents and her work had  a purpose of providing a memory for her great grandchildren.

When you really want something the way to achieve it is to make an internal commitment.  You have to believe with all your heart that this is what you want and that you are willing to put time and effort into attaining it.  Your commitment might be to lose weight, start a new business, have a satisfying marriage, raise successful happy children,  publish the book that is inside you, run a marathon or sail across the ocean.  The goals are individual but the road of how to get there is similar.

The first step is to do a bit of soul searching in order to become clear as to why this matters so much to you.  This will get you in touch with your values, interests, and potential sacrifices. Next you make the commitment to yourself.  If what you will be doing has a real impact on others it would be good to let them know what your goal is. 

Having made the commitment to your goal you define and set set up the steps that will help you get there. You want to do this lightly so that when it becomes necessary to modify some of the steps you are willing to do so.  You will become focused in your actions as you move towards your  goal because  you believe that whatever you are trying to achieve is possible.

Much of my work has been with couples who want to rekindle their relationships.  I have seen over and over that when they make a commitment to this goal they open themselves up to learning new skills which will lead to growing togetgher. Or if the goal is to “be all I can be” it unleashes a desire to take wonderful good care of self emotionally and intellectually. Likewise, if the goal is to start a new business the commitment becomes the beacon that is as steadfast as a lighthouse. When  we make the commitment we show that we believe and trust ourselves to attain our goal.

Did you read the article about the new happiness pill which appeared in many papers?   The article claimed that this pill  could  become the greatest growing mood product. It is touted to be the answer to millions of Americans who are struggling to stay happy.  Just two pills a day will ease stress and anxiety and help you live a happier more active life.

As I read this I began to feel depressed..  How sad that so many people are looking for a pill to make them feel better. They were not talking about people who are clinically depressed rather this pill is for ordinary folk who would like to find an easy way to be happy.

I believe that the feeling of happiness is the result of  taking charge of one’s own life.  A pill will give temporary relief,  but unless the underlying conditions are changed ,it will not solve the unhappiness problem.  For instance, the pill is not going to alleviate marital conflict.   If someone is unhappy because of a weight issue  the happiness pill  would  not address this concern.  Likewise, a happiness pill is not going to take care of alcoholism or prescription drug addiction. Whoever in the family takes the happiness pill is most likely going to tolerate a situation that is detrimental to all in the family a bit longer.   Unless real change is introduced the underlying problem will not be alleviated.

What about using the natural mood enhancer that is the result of engaging in exercising.?  Or eating the kinds of foods that give one energy?  Or learning to change communication patterns that are negative and work on having a positive attitude about life?  All of those efforts take commitment and persistence in order to produce lasting change.

My worry about the happiness pill is that it becomes a cover-up for addressing life situations that can be changes.  It is easy to swallow a few pills daily.  It is harder to put time and effort into learning to truly take good care of self.  The effort is worth it because there will be the long term result of having created lasting happiness.

A friend sent me a link to a YouTube video on The Power of Words. You will see how by just changing the written words the same message is dramatically changed.  I urge you to see it a

Today is Valentine’s Day.  My husband reminded me that 45 years ago we had our engagement party on this day.  For years Valentine’s Day brought back memories of that special day.  Today it was his reminder that brought the memory back.  I like to think that the reason I no longer think of that special Valentine’s Day is that there are so many special times that we have shared over all the years.  Not all of it has been easy.  We have had to work through frustrations and misunderstandings in order for both of us to be OK.  Like all couples we brought our fears and insecurities into the relationship and had to learn to accept each other as the imperfect beings we were.  We realized we had to mature  a bit in  how we communicated so that we could  grow as individuals and as a couple and as parents.

It takes practice to communicate clearly and in a way that is growth producing.  I certainly find that when I am upset and angry it is so much easier to go into the attack and blame mode.  I have had to learn to manage my emotions so that I stay in control of myself so that I can hear what my husband has to say and express clearly what it is that bothers me. It takes consistent practice to change habits of reacting.  Our relationship has deepened over the years because we have learned to appreciate our differences and found ways to grow together.

I believe that couples need to know about the process of relating as partners so that they can give and receive love.  Communication habits can be changed if there is a willingness to put effort into building a strong personal foundation and there is a commitment to shared love.

In order  to be fully engaged in life we need energy and a growth mindset.  Without a sufficient amount of energy it is hard to bring forth our best.  Think about it, the hours of a day are fixed but the quantity of energy that is available to us is not.  How we spend these 24 hours as well as how we  replenish  our energy level  is in our control. Additionally, how we feel about ourselves and how we view  our potential  is our learned mindset.

There are many things we can do to create energy.  One great way to get more energy is to  exercise. It has to be something that you enjoy. There are many different ways to keep the body fit.  Swimming, biking, walking, running, dancing,  pilates, yoga etc. are all wonderful ways of increasing physical energy.  In order to be fully engaged in life exercise needs to become a regular part of the weekly schedule.   The rewards are many fold: more energy,  a fit body, and the satisfaction of knowing that you are taking good care of your body.

Some additional  ways to increase energy are eating foods that are energizing, reducing stress, and developing a mindset that leads to self empowerment.  When we are truly engaged in our life  we feel in control of our life.

I am starting a series of teleclasses on  making positive changes in order to be fully engaged in life. The classes will be Wednesdays at 1PM EST where we will discuss  ways to create energy and develop a growth mindset by taking positive  action.

Please join me on Wednesday, November 17 at one pm EST when we will talk about Creating Positive Energy.  You can be part of the teleclass  on line, by phone, and by listening to the replay.  Click on the link below to sign up for this class.

http://AttendThisEvent.com/?eventid=16025529 .