Build a Strong Personal Foundation » self-esteem

Power of Internal Communication

admin — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 12:00:06 +0000

Each one of us deep inside wants to feel good about who we are. Simply put we want to accept, respect and love ourselves and have people in our lives who appreciate us just for who we are.

One of my friends had been struggling for years with being overweight. It bothered her greatly. She wanted to weigh less and had over the years tried many diets. She did well for a while and then the weight crept back up again. She would say to herself that she could not feel good about herself until she lost the weight.

Many people can relate to how she felt. What she did not understand for a long time was that the biggest obstacle was what she said to herself. Her premise was that she could not feel good about herself until she accomplished her goal. It is no wonder that she was so discouraged. Her internal communication was filled with put downs and self loathing. Yet in her professional life she was a successful business woman. She could not appreciate these strengths because there was this other voice inside saying “I am a failure”.

The key to building a strong personal foundation is to accept oneself exactly where one is now. My friend had to learn to shift her thinking to “I am OK now”. By accepting herself she freed herself up to begin strengthening her “I value myself muscle”. Acceptance is the starting point for doing the work to build a strong foundation. It is by taking the right action that reinforces personal growth that allows us to bring forth the greatness within.

How to Grow Personal Energy

admin — Sun, 20 Jun 2010 21:30:25 +0000

When we appreciate and love ourselves we easily find ways to grow our personal energy. Our energy comes from taking good care of our bodies, from challenging our minds, and from our relationships.

Learning to accept and love ourselves is vital for our self esteem. Yet many of us were raised with messages that to love ourselves is selfish. We were taught to love others instead of ourselves. The result is self depreciation. We all know that there is an extreme to self love that is called narcissism. Narcissists do not know how to love others. That is not the self love I am talking about. I am referring to the fact that by loving ourselves we value who we are. This ability to value who we are makes it possible for us to love others.

When loving self is viewed through the value lens it becomes possible to see others as equally valuable. Energy is not wasted on envy, fear, proving oneself, putting others down rather it is used for self. It also follows that people who care about themselves do not want to limit their energy by abusing drugs, alcohol, prescription drugs or letting others abuse them. Instead they want to build and use their energy to live life to the fullest.

Self-worth comes from building a strong personal foundation.

Vibrant After Fifty Blog Talk Radio Show

Kristina von Rosenvinge — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 17:58:53 +0000

Today’s radio show was again on strengthening emotional energy. The focus was on establishing good boundaries. In order to make the most of life after fifty we need energy and having strong boundaries frees us so we can make our dreams a reality.

Are you familiar with the phrase: Circle of Confidence? I think it is a wonderful way of describing our boundaries. The smaller our boundaries the less confidence we have and the larger our boundaries the more confidence we have. In actuality boundaries are imaginary lines that we have around ourselves. They define us – where we start and where we end. For instance someone with weak boundaries will let others make decisions for him/her. They will have trouble saying appropriate NOs and feel taken advantage of.

Three ways to increase the level of confidence:

1. Believe that you have a right to feel good about yourself.

2. Develop confidence by taking responsibility for yourself.

3. Allow others to help you build your level of confidence.

As your confidence grows you will experience a change in the invisible boundary circle around you. You will trust yourself more and go after what you want. You will follow through and make your second half of life the best time of yur life.

Relationships Foster or Stifle Communication

Kristina von Rosenvinge — Thu, 28 May 2009 17:52:32 +0000

Communication occurs in between people. When communication is open it is easy. There is an understood freedom to comment on anything and communication is growth-producing. When communication is closed there are overt or silent messages that one has to be careful about what one says. The result is that self-worth is defined more and more by other people and self-esteem is low.

How does one go about changing communication so it is open and growth -enhancing? We all share the common human need that we desire to feel good about ourselves. If we grew up in homes where parents did not know how to teach good communication skills we can, now that we are adults, unlearn the messages and behaviors that diminish us.

An example comes to mind. Molly was angry at her husband because he always got his way. As I helped Molly look at her part in their marital balance it became apparent that, whenever there was a disagreement, she gave in. As she became aware of her part in the relationship balance she started to initiate change. She realized that conflict made her uneasy and her tendency was to quickly acquiesce. As she strengthened her “speak up for myself” muscle she saw that her husband was not as unreasonable as she thought he was.

If we want to change communication patterns the only person we have control over is ourselves. By one person working on communicating by being clear, direct, and growth producing everyone’s self-esteem is enhanced.

Does Emotional Fitness Create Happiness?

Kristina von Rosenvinge — Sat, 22 Nov 2008 21:11:13 +0000

What creates happiness? The pursuit of it is promised to us as an inalienable right. I like the word pursuit because it puts responsibility on us to attain it. The right may be there, but we have to pursue it and create it for ourselves. Mihaly Csikszentmihalyi, author of “Finding Flow,” maintains that people are happiest when they are challenging themselves with tasks that require skill and commitment. He maintains that it is the act of being actively engaged that gives people the greatest pleasure. I find that this is true for me. Studies have repeatedly shown that money does not bring happiness, though it makes life easier.

How does this tie in with emotional fitness? People who are emotionally fit like who they are and create opportunities for themselves that challenge them. By continuing to grow one’s emotional fitness, the ability to deal with what life brings is greatly increased. Happiness is not a constant state, but living a life of engagement is a good guarantee for having a lot of it.

Growing Starts on the Inside

Kristina von Rosenvinge — Fri, 08 Aug 2008 20:40:39 +0000

Just like plants start their growth from pushing their roots out of the soil we people grow from the inside out. It is in our souls and hearts and minds that we know who we are. As we grow on the inside our lives change on the outside. My Black-Eyed Susans are beautiful this year because they get plenty of sun and water and have soil that nourishes them. Likewise the more we value ourselves the better care we will take of ourselves.

The desire to keep growing comes from the inside. It is not time limited but possible at any age. When we set an intention for ourselves and take action to achieve it we expand who we are. If we desire to have a healthy body there are steps we have to take to make it happen. It is putting the desire into action that feels empowering. Each step we take stretches us and pushes us in ways we may not even have imagined.

Grow by Making Changes

Kristina von Rosenvinge — Wed, 16 Jul 2008 20:21:36 +0000

There is a curious dichotomy about making changes. The more we accept ourselves as being fine just the way we are, the easier it becomes to grow in new directions. Why is that? By seeing ourselves as being OK and whole, we no longer have to worry about completing what is not OK. It frees us up to expand who we are because we want to and not because we have to make ourselves OK.

How does one grow as a person? There are two ways to look at change: 1. do something differently and 2. view something differently. Within all of us there is an inborn drive to keep growing. Life is in constant change around us. We limit ourselves when we forget to do it consciously. What keeps us vibrant and alive is to 1. change the doing and 2. change the viewing in order to grow into the person we want to be.