I can still remember a woman I knew several years ago.  She was in midlife [...]]]>

Probably the single biggest factor for not taking action is fear.  Fear can show up in many variations. It could be fear of being judged, fear of success, fear of embarrassment, fear of rejection, fear of being alone etc.

I can still remember a woman I knew several years ago.  She was in midlife and very ready to make changes.  She was so excited when she found a specific program at the community college which would give her the certification she needed  to pursue employment in a field that excited her.  Her husband initially was supportive;  however, as she got further into the program he began to undermine her.  Sadly her deep fear of being alone and her fear that the marriage might  not withstand this disagreement prompted her to drop her studies. She sacrificed her happiness out of fear.  She was not willing to risk challenging their relationship balance in order to create a healthier relationship.

When we run from our fears we stop evolving to be the people we are capable of being.  The result for the woman I talked about was that she lost the vibrancy that going back to school provided.  It seemed  to me that her husband handled his fear that  his wife was becoming more independent by making sure that things stayed in the familiar comfort zone.

For instance, if you have a boss who micro manages it [...]]]>

Couple relationships are more than the two individuals.  That is because the relationship becomes a separate entity.  Consequently, changes that an individual makes will have an impact on the relationship balance. This is just as true in personal relationships as in work relationships.

For instance, if you have a boss who micro manages it will difficult to bring forth what you are capable of doing.  You will feel that you are constantly being monitored and having to justify what you are doing. If instead you have a boss who is a mentors by coaching you will instead discover your own strengths and abilities. In one situation you wither in the other you thrive.

The same is true in personal relationships.  If two people have a relationship of equality they will handle whatever comes up in a respectful fair way.  However, if the relationship is based on one person having more power than the other the relationship balance is tilted towards reinforcing the power.  In such a relationship one person will not be able to relate freely but rather end of squelching vital parts in order to keep the relationship in this equilibrium.

I help men and women strengthen their personal foundation so that they can create relationships which allow them the freedom to be who they are.

The first mistake is expecting the exciting falling in love stage [...]]]>

Couples start out with great hopes of living ever after.  Even if there are problems present somehow they get pushed aside and the hope persists. Sadly, for many it does not work out that way.  I have observed common mistakes in this thinking.

The first mistake is expecting the exciting falling in love stage to continue indefinitely. That is not understanding that love goes through stages. The initial falling in love stage is exciting. That is when the focus is on the partner: wanting to please the loved one and to know all about him/her.  Both people are generous with showing love and interest towards each other.

The second mistake is not accepting that the falling in love stage has to change.  There are specific tasks that couples have to handle like how do we support ourselves, how do we handle food, how do we deal with relatives, how or if to have children. and how to handle intimacy.  In the falling in love stage there are far fewer demands on the relationship.

The next time I write I will talk about three other mistakes that couples make.

Let us suppose that you want to change the way you respond when you feel verbally attacked. The instinctive response is t o get defensive and lash back.  [...]]]>

I have been writing about changing habits.  This got me thinking about the fact that a simple change can produce a profound change in a relationship.

Let us suppose that you want to change the way you respond when you feel verbally attacked. The instinctive response is t o get defensive and lash back.  What about if instead you took some deep breaths, counted to 30 ( in order to compose yourself) and said “  Help me understand what got you so upset with me”.  When you do that you are not escalating the situation instead you are asking for information. And there is a high likelihood that the other person (who is already preparing his/her response) is taken by surprise.

It takes managing  oneself to be able to respond in a new way.  There has to be a conscious decision to give a different  response  instead of  repeating the way you typically respond. The result is that you have introduced change.  That is exactly what is needed if you want to grow and change relational patterns that keep you stuck in the same repeating pattern.

When building a strong personal foundation this is a good example of how by taking new action the transaction is changed.

Although the challenge was external I had to make the decision to participate  and stick to achieving my [...]]]>

I have been participating in the 30 day blog challenge hosted by Dr. Jeanette Cates.  Today is the last day and I am writing number thirty-one.  This is what the experience has been like for me.

Although the challenge was external I had to make the decision to participate  and stick to achieving my goal.  I found that as the days went on it became easier to think of what to write.  The venture became a daily routine.  The task of writing helped me clarify my thoughts and to define my niche.  I am passionate about helping people build a strong personal foundation and satisfying relationships.  In order to achieve that they will have to challenge themselves to be open to changing limiting beliefs and be willing to take action to achieve what they want for themselves.

Personal growth is all about change and expecting more of oneself.  The blog challenge tapped into one of my struggles which is consistency.  Thirty days is a good length of time to establish a new pattern.  The people that  I coach want challenge and support as they take action to take their life to a new level.  I frequently tell them it takes 21 days to change a habit. It works if the change becomes part of their routine.

The blog challenge provided the consistency of thirty days to change my habit of inconsistent blogging.  I may not continue to blog daily but my goal is to write an article every day.

Last night I saw the movie UP. The lead character is a 78 year old grieving [...]]]>

I am convinced that all of us have dreams inside us that we yearn to fulfill.  Yet  we can miss out on enjoying life if we do not simultaneously  keep our focus on living fully in the present.

Last night I saw the movie UP. The lead character is a 78 year old grieving widower who follows the life long dream his wife and he had to visit Paradise Falls in South America.  He flies there in his house that is pulled aloft be the most fantastic array of brightly colored helium balloons.  To his dismay he discovers that he has inadvertently brought a long a young boy  who happened to be on the porch when the house took flight.   While aloft he finds a photo album which  his wife had put together of their life together which shows that she saw her whole life with him to have been an adventure. Our old man reaches the Falls,  has his share of adventures,  and returns home with a warm love for the little boy and a renewed zest for living.

I liked the fact that this movie depicted the importance of love and sharing. We see that the old man and his wife shared love and adventure throughout their life together.    At the end of the movie we see the old man  happily enjoying the companionship of Russel, the boy, and  Dug, the dog they acquired on this adventure.

We need both the joy of making our dreams a reality and being fully present in our life every day.