The drive to want to be in relationships is universal.  Yet, what we also know is that making relationships work is much more difficult.  Over the years I have  coached many couples who have sought help in rekindling their relationship.  The reasons for seeking help were varied.  The most successful were the couples where both were willing to make changes so that they could enjoy each other again.

Many  couples live together as “married singles”.  They seek personal happiness but have little understanding of how personal happiness is enhanced by mutual support and love.  As I see it they have not learned the skill of  how to juggle personal growth and the growth of the relationship at the same time.  Couples who are happy with each other have learned to balance their own needs with what they want for their relationship.  The goal becomes for each person to take responsibility for their own growth and together they decide what the direction of their relationship.   In addition to “what do I want” they have to also keep in mind “what do WE want.”

Then there are also the couples who  basically have good a good relationship but they feel their relationship needs to be recharged.  I see that most frequently at the time of life when they  have raised their children and now are refocusing on being a couple.  Life has become predictable and routine and average.  One person usually begins the process by indicating that he/she wants change. How they make room for this individual need and grow as a couple is not an easy task.  By introducing change the relationship balance is disrupted.  Knowing intellectually what to expect when change is introduced will help a couple get through this time by growing together.

The key to happy relationships is creating an emotional connection between them. With a solid emotional connection they can together weather what life brings their way. I have put together a  free booklet focused on strengthening the emotional connection between couples.  You will find it at http://www.RekindleYourRelationship.com.  These 33 Tips are for Reconnecting with the True Essence of your Loving Relationship.  I believe that when you know what to do relationships become a lot easier and happier.

Communication struggles cause a lot of frustration in relationships.  I have put together a list of “must dos” that I think are vital for a healthy relationship.  The more each person strives to take full respomsibility for self the easier growing together becomes.  Each will know clearly where the partner stands on things.  The result is that each person stands firmly on his/her feet and experiences self  and partner as unique separate people.

Here are some other ideas to enhance communication.  Each person can be counted on to say yes and no and truly mean it.  Each can ask for what she or he wants and  be trusted to take responsibility for own actions.  When a promise is made there is follow through. Each person is considerate, respectful, fun to be around, and kind. There are no restrictions on what can be shared and commented on. 

A partnership that is built on respect for each other’s uniqueness leads to happily supporting each other’s dreams in every way possible . They are cooperative friends ad not competitors.

As most of you know I believe the most effective way to work on a relationship is to work on self.  That is why I focus on  building  a strong personal foundation. It is when we feel in charge of our own lives that we can objectively and honestly  relate with another.  When two people have a clear sense of self they relate by appreciating each others differences and through love.

Just as there are many steps one can take  to increase  self confidence likewise there are many useful communication and relationship tips that will enhance life together. Relationships and individuals need to be attended to in order to remain vibrant.

I have just put up a new web site http://www.relationshiphelpforyou.com where you can find specific ideas for rekindling your relationship.  You can immediately access a free short report and an audio recording which will give you tips and strategies for rekindling your relationship. Check back often because I will be adding new material frequently.

Most couples that I have worked with will initially say that they do not communicate. I see their frustration with each and feel their hope that if only their partner would make some changes he/she would be fine.  It doesn’t quite work that way.  The solution lies in each person taking responsibility for their own thinking and feelings and learning to clearly communicate that to the other.

How we communicate has a lot to do with how we feel about ourselves.  When we feel good about ourselves we are much more apt to take what the other says as belonging to them and not personalizing it.  Yet if we feel down and question our self worth we end up giving a lot of power to our partner.  That’s when the couple power becomes skewed with one partner having too much power with the other one abdicating his/her power. This imbalance leads to communication struggles.

The key to healthy communication is two fold: 1. Learning to bring forth ones strengths and 2. Learning empowering communication and relationship skills.

For the next thirty days I will be daily sharing specific relationship skills. What do I mean by successful relationships? I see it as people relating  to each other in a way that  each feels accepted, valued, and respected by the other. I will be sharing tips that will enhance self mastery and the interaction between people. From the time we are born we are in relationships.  Some of the relationships we have been in have helped us grow while others may have stifled us.

My hope is that by learning effective self growth and relationship skills you can discard coping mechanisms that limit you and substitute skills that will enhance you and your relationships.