I think that one of the most important tools in rekindling a relationship is to share concerns with each other.  How can you make changes if you do not bring up what you would like? Our inner life is our own domain to which we alone have the key.  Each one of us knows deep inside  what we need and want.  When we are  in a relationship we also have to think as to how we want want impacts the relationship.  This is where speaking up is so necessary.

It takes trust to bring up things with your partner.  Many times I have heard one or the other say “I didn’t know you felt that way.”  Usually it is fear that gets in the way of sharing.  The fear may be many fold. It could be fear of being laughed at, not being taken seriously, embarrassed that one is not content, etc. Indeed it takes courage to discuss things that are not easy to talk about but change in variably involves taking risks in order to grow.

I can remember times when I would be silently agonizing over changes that I wanted for myself or in my relationship.  However, since I had a partner some of the changes definitely would impact our relationship.  If I really feel strongly about something I have to push myself to bring it up.   It is  then that I can sort out what I need to do solo and together decide what we need to do as a couple to find a solution.

Verbal sharing in a relationship involves trust and risk taking.  Yet it is essential for developing closeness.  Without sharing emotionally the relationship begins to wither.