Recently I came across the following quote by Stephen Covey “The most important  ingredient we put in any relationship is not what we say or what we do, but what we are.”  This is especially significant in the midlife transition stage where “what we are” becomes a very personal search.  This is the time of life of getting in touch with what one still wants to do in life. Whatever action an individual takes  will have an impact on the couple relationship.

Relationships can be  our most powerful emotional support or they can be powerful drainers of energy.  People who are in relationships develop a rhythm between them.  Most relationships at midlife can use some adjusting. By midlife there is a predictability  to the  pattern of interacting.  When one person starts introducing change it will affect the balance of the relationship.  This is bound to happens in midlife as one or both start making changes in order to add new directions to their life.

In this search for personal change it is important to keep in mind the impact of those changes on the relationship. Step mentally back and look objectively at your relationship.  There are usually long standing habits or limitations that need to be adjusted.  As one person expects more of self he/she also wants more from the relationship.   Then the couple has to see if they can incorporate the changes so that they can  grow together.

I just came across the following quote by David Whyte, poet and philosopher: “You feed your longing and desires and they do the work. My whole life has been following my intuitions and strange beckonings.”  A few months ago I attended a half day workshop with David Whyte.  He is truly gifted in his  poetry and in his eloquent delivery in addition to being a keen observer of people and a teacher of ideas.

When I think about the part intuition has played in my life I know that when I have followed it I have done well to have headed it.  Intuition provides that sixth sense we get about certain situations and events or directions to take.  We need to trust our intuition because it is there for a reason.  Intuition is the springboard for developing ideas and plans for action.  Albert Einstein said “The real valuable thing is intuition”.

Thought of the day:

Trust your intuition,  it will guide you well.

No doubt we have all heard the phrase BE ALL YOU CAN BE which was the recruiting slogan of the US Army all volunteer force  for over 20 years.  Over the years these five words have moved outside the army to be an inspirational slogan for everyone. They represent a call for all of us to make the most of the talents and gifts that we have.  It is also a known fact that most of us are short changing ourselves by settling for far less than we are capable of being.

In order to “Be All One Can Be” we have to believe that it is vital to keep stretching our  mind along with building a strong emotional and physical foundation.    Self-mastery comes from expecting ourselves  to be able to keep growing throughout life.  When we have a vision that is open to bringing forth our possibilities we will take action to live life fully.

I was impressed when I heard that Supreme Court Justice Stevens celebrated his 89th birthday on April 20.  Apparently he still enjoys the challenge of the cases that are brought before the court.  I have long believed that when we stretch our minds by learning or doing new things we continue feeling  alive and curious.  There must be something about the work that our Justices engage in that keeps them engaged way past the traditional retirement time.  They also have the good fortune of having jobs with no end deadline.

What we can learn from Justice Stevens is that we all need to continue to find something to do that we can be passionate about.  My mother, late in her eighties, began making original afghans for her great grandchildren.  This work gave her pleasure, stretched her mind, and best of all,  she said, she felt useful.  We all have the capacity to keep growing.  It is up to us if we take advantage of this opportunity as we age.

Recently I was asked by several people why I use the word “Recharge” rather than change. The reason I settled on recharge is that I feel strongly that we all have wonderful parts inside that we are not using.  I can look back on my own life and know that over the years I had stopped expressing parts of me that used to energize me.  I  think that as the years have gone by most of us have settled into a way of life that works but may not bring us the joy and challenge that we deep down long for.

What you want to do by recharging yourself is to bring forth and use all parts of you.  It is not changing yourself because you are deficient. Rather it is discovering the full dimension of yourself and being who you deep down know you are. It means not being stuck in assigned roles or limited by expectations of others but rather risking to live by your values. It is in the second half of life that we experience the internal push to undertake this journey.  Some people will say to themselves that it is too late or not worth it.  Others will willingly invest the time and energy to recharge their life. The result will be that they will feel changed through the process of recharging themselves and experience a renewal of spirit.

The act of recharging ones life starts by openly assessing it and then taking action. By the second half of life, routines and habits are usually pretty well established. It is hard to look at ourselves objectively. Yet the answers as to what we need in order to feel content and happy are inside us. Look for my interactive teleclass “Recharge and Enjoy Your Second Half of LIfe” starting in September. The focus of the class will be on making an assessment as to where you see yourself and then initiating action steps which will propel you forward as you create the life you want.