I have read this quote many times [...]]]>

“Mediocrity is excellent to the eyes of mediocre people” is a quote by Joubert.   Yet no one I have ever known wants to be mediocre.  I do think there are many people who have settled for mediocre lives instead of challenging themselves to be excellent in their eyes.

I have read this quote many times and I think I finally truly understand what is meant by it.  Mediocrity can show itself in many ways. Someone may be financially esteemed and respected but not be a person of character.  Let’s take Bernie Madoff as an example.  He cheated people out of their money because he was running a Ponzi scheme.  For a long time he was highly esteeme.  This image  fell apart when it was discovered that in terms of his character he was lower than mediocre. 

For most people it is not so extreme but they settle for a life that is not as challenging or emotionally rewarding as they would like.  Instead of applying effort and creating the life they want they accept what by now has become a mediocre life.  They may no longer be challenged by work, happy in their relationship, or feel excitement and passion that gives life meaning.

I have been at that place at various times in my life. I think throughout life we get to new plateau and then we start hearing this inner voice that reminds us there is more that we can expect of ourselves. Whenever I have ignored this voice I have become unhappy, blamed others, and lacked vibrancy. 

We are living at a time where many people are relying on anti depressents to cope with their lives.  I do wonder how many are settling for mediocre lives instead of grappling with what do they really desire their lives to be like.

How [...]]]>

This morning my seven year old granddaughter, a brand new piano student, began to play Yankee Doodle Dandy.  When she hit the wrong keys she would in frustration yell out “I am terrible!”  After I heard that a few times I suggested that she say instead “I messed up. I am just learning”. 

How often do we put ourselves down or give up when something is hard? To say “Iam terrible” can in time become a way of defining who one is.  What we say to ourselves has a lot  to do with our image of who we are.  I wanted my granddaughter to become aware that she had a choice in how she spoke to herself. I want her to develop a growth mindset where she can see that what she needed was practice strategies in order to learn to play this new song.  To expect herself to be able to do play a newe song when she first sat down was a set up for frustration. What I want for her is that she not limit herself with judgmental self-talk.

Many adults are in the habit of judging themselves with the result that they stop taking risks that allow them to discover their true potential. Adults can learn to change their belief system from a fixed mindset to a growth mindset. The first is based on a belief that our intelligence, talents and behaviors are fixed the latter is based on the belief that these same characteristics can be developed.  

We know now that people  can learn to develop a growth mindset at any age.  Over the years I have coached many men and women.  Once they understood the value of developing a growth mindset they were much more willing to apply effort in order to pursue their dreams.  The result was that they increased their self confidece and felt better about temselves.

Let me share with you what Carol, a coaching client, excitedly shared with me today.  We had been talking about the importance of changing how [...]]]>

Do you realize that the way you talk to yourself is completely in your control? It is by believing this little nugget that you take charge of your life.

Let me share with you what Carol, a coaching client, excitedly shared with me today.  We had been talking about the importance of changing how she spoke to herself. Carol has had tragic losses in her life and has struggled with depression. She had developed an inner dialogue where she would put herself down, look at the world through negative glasses, and was resigned to the fact that this was how her life was and that change was not possible.

I have been teaching her about developing a growth mindset which is based on the belief that our brains need new information in order to keep growing.  She decided to try to introduce the new thought that she in charge of her own life and that she had no control over others.

In the past with her negative view of self she took responsible for all that went wrong.  If her son acted out it was her fault, if her husband raised any questions she would personalize the interaction.  She joyfully shared that by changing her inner dialogue from “I am responsible for everyone’s happiness to I am responsible for myself and I need to give others the freedom to be in charge of their lives” she was able to respond differently to them.

To change long standing beliefs takes concentration and practice. As Carol said “It is scary and exciting to feel in charge of myself.  Once you ‘ get it’ you want more”.  And that is the beauty of building a strong personal foundation.

Limiting beliefs [...]]]>

Have you noticed how easy it is to hold ourselves back by our limiting beliefs?  Usually we are not even aware that we are limiting ourselves because at the time our thinking  seems to make a lot of sense.  It is in retrospect that we might say “why didn’t I do that?”

Limiting beliefs are powerful because they seem so real.  For instance, how often have you heard the following:  I am too old to start a new business,  it is too late, I should have done this ten years ago,  this is just how I am, I don’t have time to exercise, I  can’t go on this trip now I will do it later and then later does not come.  I think it is a combination of not enough discipline and fear of change that keeps many of us stuck with our limiting beliefs.

I really like the following quote by the poet ee cummings  “It takes courage to grow into who you really are”.   To grow and make changes means moving beyond one’s comfort zone.  I have a friend who was widowed at a young age.  After a period of mourning she decided she wanted to meet someone with whom she could share her life  again. .  She gave herself an assignment to go to different events at least once a week to places where she had an opportunity to meet men.  This was a hard task because she also had a young child for whom she needed a weekly babysitter. Her limiting belief was “who would want to meet a widow with a child.”  Instead of staying with that thought  she disciplined herself and stuck to her weekly schedule.  Six months later she met a wonderful man who became her life partner.  She has frequently said how happy she is that she had the determination to hold on to her goal and then push through her  limiting beliefs  and take action to go after what she wanted.

I see limiting beliefs as holding us back from continued self growth.  By challenging our beliefs and disciplining ourselves we put ourselves on the path of  discovering who we really are.

This is a pivotal time in a woman’s life.  I look forward to sharing ideas and tools that will help them [...]]]>

I have been invited to meet with a group of dynamic women at a special luncheon to talk about midlife and how to come through this time of life  with optimism and direction.

This is a pivotal time in a woman’s life.  I look forward to sharing ideas and tools that will help them get through this period so that they feel in control of their life.  There are three major factors that occur when one enters midlife.  1. The hormonal changes that will lead to menopause,  2. The questioning “How do I want to spend the rest of my life” and 3. The realization that one needs a growth mindset.

This life transition is necessary because it sets the stage for aging successfully.  The hormonal changes  will happen naturally and most of the symptoms will resolve themselves at menopause. What to do with the rest of ones life means going deep inside to get in touch with ones values.  Simultaneously there comes an awareness that without a growth mindset it is hard to move forward and experience real joy for living.

I am convinced that by dealing with all three factors women emerge from this period of several years of physical and emotional upheaval being surer of themselves.  They have accepted the fact that ultimately they have to take responsibility for themselves to take action to evolve their life in order to be happy.

I have seen people [...]]]>

The right mindset does not guarantee anything.  It is a great starting off point.  Without effort and taking action change does not happen.  Yet when we believe that effort will make a difference then we are much more likely to take action because we love to experience our personal growth.

I have seen people grow when they changed fixed mindset beliefs .  I am reminded of a man I worked with who at first did not believe he could change what he thought were ingrained personality traits.  The problem was that he expressed anger in a way that frightened his wife and children.  He was convinced that the way he handled anger was a personality trait that he had no control over.  Turns out that his father had a similar anger management problem which he also had always explained as ” that is just how the men  in the family are”.

My explanation to him was that it was also possible that this was not a personality characteristic from birth but it could be learned behavior.  Once this man opened himself up to learning new effective skills for expressing his feelings he really bought into the growth mindset.  He had been convinced that he had no control over his anger but his fear that he might lose his family became the incentive for learning new ways of dealing with his anger.

It took effort to learn new skills.  Habits take time and consistent effort to change.  The warm loving response from his wife and children made it all worth while.

Did you know that the brain is actually like a muscle that keeps getting stronger as you use it? Studies of the brain show that it is capable of forming new [...]]]>

I have been writing about the fixed and growth mindset.  Now I will talk about the brain which really validated the growth mindset.

Did you know that the brain is actually like a muscle that keeps getting stronger as you use it? Studies of the brain show that it is capable of forming new connections through out our life. The more we challenge our mind the more the brain cells grow. Much of this exciting brain research has been done in the last twenty years.

Our current scientific understanding of the brain validated the growth mindset.  However  most of us were raised with the idea that intelligence, talent, and personality were fixed.  You either had it or you did not.  With the knowledge we have now we know that if we want to  lead vibrant interesting lives we have to challenge our brain.

When we believe in a growth mindset we realize we can keep on learning throughout life.  We can let go of limiting beliefs like I am too old, I should have done this earlier, I should be satisfied.  Instead we start looking at life as offering us lots of opportunities.  It is up to each one of us how we take advantage of these opportunities.