In a few days I will be in Brazil for two weeks.  Since this is a vacation for me I have decided not to take my laptop along.   However, the beauty of an internet business is that I can still stay in touch.  There is this wonderful feature of being able to predate my posts and articles.  So look for my brief e-course on rekindling intimacy.  After my  return I will be holding several teleseminars on the topic of change.  If we want things to be different  we have to be  open to changing what we say to ourselves and how we do things.

I have written before about the value of developing a growth mindset.  I see a growth mindset as being essential for change.  What we say to ourselves either allows us to build on our strengths or limits us.

Over the years I have helped individuals and couples introduce lasting change into their lives.  My task has been to help them realize what is possible and they then have had to take action to make change happen.

Does a financial incentive inspire people to take their medications regularly?  I just read about a study in Philadelphia where people were being paid a certain amount in order to take their medications regularly.  Apparently non compliance is a big problem and accounts for more than $100 billion in health costs annually because those patients often get sicker. The study showed that for many the financial incentive worked however it did not lead to continued compliance after the program was stopped.

What we are really talking about here is as to what gets people to change their behavior.  Similar incentive programs have been started to get students to do homework and to get people to loose and keep off weight.  As far as I know all have had short lived success and not achieved the goal of establishing long term success.

As we all know change is difficult.  The medication study is externally driven -the incentive is the insurance companies to save money on health care.  What is missing is how to get people to want to  care of themselves.

I would like to see a strong emphasis on finding ways to expect people to be  responsible for their well being.    I do not believe that financial incentives are the answer. I do believe that by building a strong foundation people are more apt to take good care of themselves.

A friend of mine who is an action taker has as her byline: “Saying nothing sometimes says the most.” She gets involved in causes she believes in because to say nothing  to her means she does not care.  As I look back on my life I can see that there have been  many times when I said nothing even though I felt deeply about the issue at hand.  At the same time I know that I feel better about myself when I use my voice to express what I think both in my family and in my other interactions.

I started wondering why  it is that so often we do not use our voice.  I have coached many people who initially limited themselves by their silence. They  knew what they want and needed but were loath to express it.  They worried  what others would  think.  The fear of possibly getting ridiculed, put down, laughed at got in the way of actually expressing what really mattered to them.  This mindset means that saying nothing becomes a powerful  way of  communicating.   To others it appears that there are no concerns.

Using our voices gives us power.  However, this power has to be balances with also listening to the voices of others.  When we do that we are more apt to find solutions to what matters to us.  Saying nothing, when we know better,  is a way of shutting down a part of ourselves. Then “saying nothing  sometimes says the most” becomes communication that will leave us feeling powerless.

Recently I came across this quote by Louis Hay that I really love because it captures the essence of self empowerment.  ” When you make it OK to be yourself then you automatically allow others to be themselves.  Their little habits no longer bother you so much.  You release the need to “change them” as you want them to be. As you stop judging others, they release the need to judge you.  Everybody gets to be free.”

The goal of self empowerment work is to be happy and content with the kind of person you are.  It means accepting yourself just the way you are.  When you stop judging yourself you free yourself up to make some of the changes you would like to make.  You are no longer saying to yourself  “I will be OK after I do this or that”. Instead by accepting yourself as being OK you can put your energy into doing the things you would like to change.  For instance if you want to be healthier you may start an exercise program and eat more nutritious food.  You are doing this because you want to increase the quality of your health and well being.  You are no longer judging your merit rather you are making changes because you choose to do them.

Letting go of judging self and others is freeing and allows you to be the kind of person you are meant to be.

How often have you heard people say that they would do something “if only” that would happen first? I see “if only” as the biggest reason why people in their second half of life find themselves on hold. They are waiting for something to happen first. I certainly understand that since I have done my share of waiting. In actuality we wait because it is scary to move out of our comfort zone and go after what we really would like for ourselves. The other big factor is inertia. It takes energy to do anything differently.

Here are some ways to push through your comfort zone. Hold the big picture of what you envision for yourself as a beacon in the distance. Then start taking small steps that make you feel good if you accomplish them. It could be making the bed daily, straightening up your desk, etc., anything that gives you a sense of accomplishment. The key is to establish regular routines for yourself that you can do. When they become habits you add new steps. Starting a regular exercise routine will ensure that you create energy for yourself in order to push through the inertia.

We now know that the human brain has plasticity and that we can keep growing throughout our lives. That puts the responsibility on each of us to take care of our bodies, minds, and spirit.