How can we  take care of our emotional well being when there is so much to be worried about?  There is the swine flu alarm, the economic slow down and the always present threat of terrorism just to mention three major external factors.  Additionally,  we all have to deal with what ever is going on in our personal lives. When there is so much stress it is easy to feel internally out of control.

How to regain control?

We have to remind ourselves that the  only person we truly have control over is ourselves.  When we are worried and pulled in all directions we tend to forget that and  instead operate like we are on automatic pilot. We become reactors rather than actors.

Step #1 Ask yourself: right now what can I do that I know is in my control.

The answer will pull you back into the present and become an action step.  It may be as simple as going for a walk, taking 10 minutes to read an article you have been meaning to read, emptying the dishwasher etc.  Whatever it is you will have made the decision which is the first step of feeling in charge again.

Step#2 To become an actor rather than being a reactor takes conscious awareness to remind ourselves that we do have control of ourselves.  It is by changing our inner attitudes that we change the outside aspects of our lives.

When the economy is gyrating and mostly going down it creates fear and anxiety in our lives. Here are a few ideas that can be helpful in managing fear and anxiety:

1. You can reduce your anxiety by accepting that many things are indeed out of your control. Your task now is to look for doable solutions in your personal situation.
2. Remember that when people are stressed they are much more apt to revert to all or nothing thinking, imagine worst case scenarious, and fall into “if only I had” thinking. Catch yourself and if you find that you are doing that remind yourself that these are exaggerations.
3. Decide what you can do now that would be helpful and ease some of the anxiety.
4. For instance if you have decided to cut back on spending come up with a specific first step. Here is a simple example. For instance, you may decide to pack your lunch rather than buy your lunch at work. This is something that is immediately doable and will give you a sense of control. Then add other doable steps.
5. Keep in mind that when worry and stress are managed the mind is freed to look for solutions.

I recently published at Ezine Articles ”Stress Management — Coping Skills for Couples in Uncertain Times,” which some of you may find helpful. There is also an article on “Handling Stress — Helping Children Cope in Uncertain Times.”

A dear friend of mine shared how surprised she was by her husband’s reaction to the current financial crisis. He was panicking and saying that he did not think he would ever be able to retire now. This was not the way he typically handled concerns — somehow this was different for him. Seeing their hard earned money lose considerable value became something that he felt responsible for. He fretted that he had not made better decisions to diversify more and that he was letting her down. Since they had both made the decisions of how much and where to invest she was taken a back how personally he reacted this time.

My experience has been that we often don’t know what situation may set off an unfamiliar response in us. The trigger for my friend’s husband was an old message that he had a long time ago heard from his father: “It is a man’s job to provide for his wife.” He had not even been consciously aware that he had held on to this belief all these years. What helped him lessen his anxiety were her gentle reminders that they were in this together and that she did not hold him responsible. As they reverted to their normal process of finding solutions together his anxiety calmed.

When worried it is important to not keep it all to oneself. A typical reaction to anxiety is to revert to all-or-nothing thinking, to personalize the problem, and to lose perspective. Having a partner or friend with whom to talk things over can help to lessen the worries. When there is less anxiety, it becomes possible to start looking for how this crisis will impact the future and find solutions.