My passion is helping people build relationships that they enjoy. I think that there are too many people who do not understand that healthy marital relationships require a constant balancing of individual needs with togetherness needs. Both are necessary needs and have to be attended to.
Each person can only take responsibility for their own feelings and thinking. How well the togetherness balance works has to do with the sense of autonomy each person has. Independence involves handling life tasks responsibly, being able to stand on ones own two feet emotionally, and an ability to relate appropriately with others. From my work in relationship building I see couples, married for a number of years, who started out with a pretty good sense of self but gradually submerged it. That shift comes about because one person stopped paying enough attention to own needs and began paying more attention to the partners. This usually happens very gradually and frequently without conscious awareness.
In these situations the task is for each person is to get back to taking full responsibility for self. In order to rekindle their relationship each person had to be open to addressing their own issues. It is only then that they can also simultaneously work on strengthening their relationship.
