Most couples who are struggling with their relationship will say that the problem is communication. It looks like communication is the issue but the difficulty generally is more than words. Indeed they are frustrated with their communication but beneath that struggle is the dilemma of not knowing how to create a sense of WE in their relationship.
Here is what I mean. These couples have not learned that a loving caring relationship is more than two individuals. There is a third part which is caring about the well-being of the relationship.. Most of these couples handle their day to day responsibilities rather well but feel emotionally alone. I call these relationships “the married singles”. They each fear that by truly hearing and thinking of their partner they will end up losing something of themselves.
In healthy relationships that does not happen. The three parts: I, you and we are present at all times and of equal importance. This is a self-growth and relationship skill that can be learned. The key is that each person will take full responsibility for him/herself and at the same time for the well being of the relationship. It means learning to be aware not just of self but also thinking about how will what I say or do affect our relationship. By simultaneously thinking “WE and US” communication and the relationship will be strengthened.
I like this concept. Too many people try or want to be in a relationship while thinking mostly about “me.” Maybe they also think about “you” and do kind things for you but they forget to think about “we” or “us.” I like the way you put these 3 components of a good relationship together; makes it easy to understand.
Hello from Montana:
Yes, as a married couple for over 45 years ( is that even possible) we find that the third part of the union is the marriage itself. I am a Democrat liberal and he is a Republican conservative and yet we love and respect one another. Takes work.
Love,
Judy Wright aka Auntie Artichoke, family relationship author and speaker
http://www.artichokepress.com
Judy – Your husband and you have created that solid WE where political differences can lead to stimulating discussions. Thanks for sharing.
What a great achievement of maturity. It is more than just couples that benefit from WE. When we move to We, rather me and thee, we will have a much more
peaceful world.
Alice – I think if we respect the I and you and create a WE we will indeed have a m ore peaceful world.