Relationships organize us in ways that are subtle and not spoken about. Already the families that we are born into organize us. Some families encourage everyone to be themselves, while others end up being restrictive.
I am thinking of Molly who described what it was like for her to grow up with a Mom who was alcoholic. Her two siblings and she were all “locked” into roles. I put locked into quotation marks because you were not permitted to move out of your assigned role. Brother was the golden boy, little sister was the assertive fighter, and she was the good kid who was expected to be an extension of Mom. It was not OK for Molly to be herself. Molly learned early on to swallow her feelings and thoughts because she was not permitted to express them. If she did, Mom got angry and derided her saying, How can you think that way? Molly’s experience in growing up is a good example of how relationships organize us. Whenever one is not encouraged or permitted to express who one truly is, parts of one’s unique self get shut down. And gradually one begins to think of oneself in that limited way.
Fortunately as adults we can learn to bring forth who we really are. As children our choices are limited but as grown ups we can give ourselves the gift of re-claiming who we are. Please check back often to learn more about how relationships organize us.
