Self-Growth and Relationship Secret #2
“When you know what you can control verses what you can not control, that allows you degrees of freedom” Helena Cronin, Fast Company
It is the degrees of freedom that make the difference. When we try to control what we can not control we are placing energy into the wrong place. For instance, when we try to control someone else we are the ones who end up frustrated. Just the other day I had a run in with my little grandson. He is getting too heavy for me to carry up the stairs. The more I insisted the stronger was his refusal. Finally I sat on the bottom of the stairs next to him and acted like I had all the time in the world to wait til he was ready. Sure enough, after a while he stood up and started up the stairs. By accepting his right to be upset with my request I showed respect for him and byaccepting my request he shoed respect for me.
As much as we try we can not control another person. This is the kind of control we need to let go. We have to stop trying so hard to force things. Life becomes a lot easier if we accept ourselves and others and work from there. By accepting yourself as being OK you will find that it is easier to make changes. For instance, approaching exercise through control is very different then exercising because you value your body. In the first instance you will resist soon, in the second instance you have reframed exercise as a life long partner.
There are times when we do need to get control over ourselves. I don’t like using the word control and think of it more as learning to manage oneself. Many people struggle with how to handle strong feelings when they are upset. By accepting that you are OK as a person you can then focus on how to learn more effective skills for managing yourself when upset. Learning to handle overwhelming feelings in a way that you end up feeling in control of yourself is freeing. It is this freedom of being in charge of oneself which is empowering.
