Build a Strong Personal Foundation

Where Does Your Energy Go?

admin — Thu, 26 Aug 2010 14:54:42 +0000

How are you using your energy? It is so easy for us to be going through the day without having any conscious awareness of where our energy goes.

Carol had been feeling increasingly frustrated that she could not find any time for herself. It seemed that she was constantly responding to requests and demands. I suggested that she had to block in time for herself. She chose two hours on Tuesday afternoon. When Tuesday came she had to really hold herself to this time. Her husband asked her that morning if she wanted to go to an appointment with him. Normally she would have automatically said yes. This time she said no because it meant she would not be back in time for her appointment with herself. What she realized about herself was that she tended to put her needs last and that she readily agreed to other people’s requests. It was like she was on automatic pilot without really being aware that she had choices in how she responded.

Carol became aware that she needed to change her process. Since she was little she had been taught that it was selfish to want time for self. She now realized that as an adult it was up to her to decide how to allocate her time. The result was that the new self awareness freed Carol to listen to her voice and decide what she wanted to do.

We all have habits that we do automatically. It is when we stop the automatic process that we can consciously decide if it makes sense to continue in the same way or make changes that reflect better what we want for ourselves.

Communication and Relationships

admin — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 19:05:43 +0000

I have just come back from a fabulous trip to Brazil visiting Iguazzu Falls, the Panatanal and Rio de Jainero. While in Rio I had to seek medical care because I discovered that I had a tick embedded on my thigh no doubt brought along from the Safari excursion in the Wetlands. Since I do not speak Portugese finding medical care was not easy. I stopped at several medical offices where no one spoke English. I was not even able to tell them what I needed. It is a very helpless feeling to not be able to communicate. Finally I did find a dermatologist. I was so relieved when this doctor spoke English and was able to remove the tick.

What I also realized about myself was that I had not bothered to learn even the smallest amount of Portugese. I assumed that most people would know some English and that I would be able to get by just fine. The tick episode showed me how arrogant my attitude was. I wanted others to understand me without my asserting any effort to be understood. This is a common situation when communication feels stuck in a relationship. We keep hoping the other person will assert effort and change and get put out when he/she does not. It is when we are willing to look at our own part that communication begins to change.

Build A Strong Personal Foundation

Kristina von Rosenvinge — Mon, 23 Aug 2010 07:15:54 +0000

My name is Kristina von Rosenvinge. I work with people just like you who are ready to build a strong foundation in order to have personal and business success. My specialty is helping people make positive changes by teaching them effective communication, relationship and coping skills. The articles I write and the classes I teach on line are informative and geared to help you bring forth your greatness.

We Attract What We Are Ready For

admin — Sun, 08 Aug 2010 17:00:20 +0000

We attract what we are ready for. What that really means is that the more time and effort we put into being the kind of person we want to be the healthier our relationships become. When I coach people to take action and expand their sense of themselves they begin to attract new people into their lives and their current relationships become more rewarding.

Recently I coached a woman who had had a number of disappointing relationships and much conflict with her co-workers. She worked hard at strengthening her sense of self by taking positive action steps. As her confidence increased she began to expect more from the people around her. No longer would she put up with emotional abuse and manipulation. By learning better relationship skills she indeed began attracting positive people into her life and was able to resolve conflicts with co-workers.

In time she began meeting people who appreciated her and she she let go of people who were trying to pull her back. She found that she had strengths that she had not even known she had.

This is what happens when one seriously starts working on upgrading oneself. Your sense of who you are changes. You form an invisible boundary around yourself to which you are the gatekeeper. It puts you in charge of whom you let in and who stays out. The result is that your self confidence grows and you feel in charge of your own life.

By working on self-mastery you indeed attract what you are ready for. We form relationships based on emotional compatibility. It follows that as we increase our emotional fitness we will attract someone who is emotionally in a similar place.

When one person in a relationship starts making changes it affects the balance of the relationship and change happens.

Common Mistakes in Relationships

admin — Fri, 06 Aug 2010 22:47:33 +0000

Couples start out with great hopes of living ever after. Even if there are problems present somehow they get pushed aside and the hope persists. Sadly, for many it does not work out that way. I have observed common mistakes in this thinking.

The first mistake is expecting the exciting falling in love stage to continue indefinitely. That is not understanding that love goes through stages. The initial falling in love stage is exciting. That is when the focus is on the partner: wanting to please the loved one and to know all about him/her. Both people are generous with showing love and interest towards each other.

The second mistake is not accepting that the falling in love stage has to change. There are specific tasks that couples have to handle like how do we support ourselves, how do we handle food, how do we deal with relatives, how or if to have children. and how to handle intimacy. In the falling in love stage there are far fewer demands on the relationship.

The next time I write I will talk about three other mistakes that couples make.

Going on vacation

admin — Thu, 05 Aug 2010 18:36:20 +0000

Tomorrow I am leaving for a two week vacation in Brazil. My husband has a conference and after the meetings are over we will spend another week traveling around. This time I have decided not to bring my laptop and continue working on my business. Although one of my colleagues seriously questioned my decision I decided to take a break. I did take advantage of the opportunity to post-date articles so that they can be published in my absence.

With cell phone and internet access available in most places it is very tempting to keep on working. When I was in college we had finals right after the Christmas Holidays. Every day I would think about the studying I needed to do but it was nigh impossible to discipline myself. I liked it so much more when the university changed their calendar with finals being held just before the holidays. Now I could truly enjoy the break.

I have been asking people I know as to what they do re: their jobs and businesses when they go on vacation. My little survey reveals that most people remain available to their businesses. One of the people I coach told me that it has been years since he has not brought work along on his vacation. He is beginning to realize that what he misses out on is really connecting with his wife and children. Work for him has been his primary connection and he is now wanting to form a stronger emotional connection with his family. This year he has decided to limit his availability to his job and be present more to his family.

Power of Internal Communication

admin — Wed, 04 Aug 2010 12:00:06 +0000

Each one of us deep inside wants to feel good about who we are. Simply put we want to accept, respect and love ourselves and have people in our lives who appreciate us just for who we are.

One of my friends had been struggling for years with being overweight. It bothered her greatly. She wanted to weigh less and had over the years tried many diets. She did well for a while and then the weight crept back up again. She would say to herself that she could not feel good about herself until she lost the weight.

Many people can relate to how she felt. What she did not understand for a long time was that the biggest obstacle was what she said to herself. Her premise was that she could not feel good about herself until she accomplished her goal. It is no wonder that she was so discouraged. Her internal communication was filled with put downs and self loathing. Yet in her professional life she was a successful business woman. She could not appreciate these strengths because there was this other voice inside saying “I am a failure”.

The key to building a strong personal foundation is to accept oneself exactly where one is now. My friend had to learn to shift her thinking to “I am OK now”. By accepting herself she freed herself up to begin strengthening her “I value myself muscle”. Acceptance is the starting point for doing the work to build a strong foundation. It is by taking the right action that reinforces personal growth that allows us to bring forth the greatness within.

Growth Mindset and Change

admin — Mon, 02 Aug 2010 18:09:32 +0000

In a few days I will be in Brazil for two weeks. Since this is a vacation for me I have decided not to take my laptop along. However, the beauty of an internet business is that I can still stay in touch. There is this wonderful feature of being able to predate my posts and articles. So look for my brief e-course on rekindling intimacy. After my return I will be holding several teleseminars on the topic of change. If we want things to be different we have to be open to changing what we say to ourselves and how we do things.

I have written before about the value of developing a growth mindset. I see a growth mindset as being essential for change. What we say to ourselves either allows us to build on our strengths or limits us.

Over the years I have helped individuals and couples introduce lasting change into their lives. My task has been to help them realize what is possible and they then have had to take action to make change happen.

Relationships and Communication

admin — Sat, 31 Jul 2010 22:58:29 +0000

Have you taken something another person said to you personally? I am certain that everyone of us has experienced that at some time. I surely have done it. It is a rather common struggle in relationships. Our self-esteem gets hooked and we respond from our emotional vulnerability. Here is a useful tip to remember: treat everything that comes to you from the outside as something you have to cope with and not as a way to define yourself.

Here is an example. Your partner says something to you and you internally feel criticized. If you react from that feeling you are giving your spouse the power to define you. However it you look at the statement as something to cope with you will respond differently. You will make use of your thinking part and decide for yourself if what “hurt your feelings” applies to you or not. When you decide what is right for you you will feel empowered.

By strengthening our foundation we are growing our feelings of self worth. The better we feel about ourselves the easier it becomes to communicate clearly with others. When we do not get emotionally hooked it becomes much easier to resolve differences.

Relationships and Change

admin — Thu, 29 Jul 2010 23:02:47 +0000

Last weekend I spent three days in Las Vegas in an immersion internet marketing course taught by Jeanette Cates and Connie Ragen Green. With their superb help I was able to set up a membership site and learned how to put up a product for sale. You can find my book: Rekindle Your Relationship at http://www.relationshiphelpforyou.com.

Rekindling is all about making changes. Unless there is a willingness to look at self and take new action nothing changes. This week I coached a couple in their late fifties. They have a relationship that is joyless and very routine. Although they travel and do interesting things there is no warmth and joy between them.

Since both wanted a happier relationship they had to start by being willing to take action and make a behavioral change. The action step had to be small enough so that it was doable.

Here are two thoughts to hold at the same time.

The big picture is the goal “We want a happier relationship”
The action step is taking a step toward the goal.

The couple above made the following decision for their first step. He decided to say hello to his wife, give her a little kiss, and linger a few minutes with her when he came home from work. She decided to stop what she was doing, actually look at him, and appreciate his overtures to connect.

Change has to be doable and successful upon one can add many more steps until the goal is achieved.