“This moment deserves your full attention,
for it will not pass your way again.”
This quote by Dan Millman is the first step to effective listening. The ability to listen and really hear is a vital component to building relationships and a reflection of emotional fitness. Here are seven tips for increasing your listening skills.
1. Pay full attention
Prepare your mind to want to hear. So often we think we are listening but in our minds we are elsewhere.
2. Be present so you can hear
Stay in the present and focus on the words being said so you really hear what is being said. This is especially important if you have a charged emotional reaction to what you are hearing. Expect yourself to stay in the present and pay attention instead of mentally being busy preparing your response.
3. Ask for clarification
This is a very useful skill to have because it gives you a better understanding of where the other person is coming from. Initially you may have been internally responding to the words without having a clear understanding of what was being said.
4. See yourself as a separate person
Surprisingly this is the most common problem in communication struggles. Remind yourself that whatever he/she is saying to you is from his/her perspective. This view allows you to hear the words as belonging to the other person and hear the information objectively.
5. Listen objectively
You are in charge of you. No one else can make you feel anything. Your emotional reactions belong to you. By hearing what is being said as belonging to the other person you will not personalize what you are hearing.
6. You are in charge of you
It is your job to define who you are. This is a truism. By accepting this truism you are much more apt to hear someone else’s words. The words being said to you will be filtered through you and you decide how you want to respond to them.
7. Listen and you will hear
When you stay in the present and objectively listen you will find that communication becomes much less charged. You will be able to decide and respond in a way that you feel in charge of yourself. You will feel empowered because you will feel in control of what you are thinking and feeling and be able to decide how you want to respond to what is being said.
