Strong listening skills provide the benefit of really hearing what is being said. So much unhappiness occurs in relationships because people do not hear each other. Instead, when there is disagreement, all the energy goes into defending oneself without truly hearing what is being said.
My suggestion for any one struggling with not feeling understood in a relationship is to work on their own listening skills. In a conflictual situation the automatic reaction is to start preparing a response mentally before fully hearing what was being said. If instead you focus on listening you may decide to ask for clarification of how the other came to the conclusion just verbalized. You want to make sure that you truly get what is being said.
By strengthening your listening muscle you are also strengthening your ability to hear whatever he/she is saying as coming from that person’s perspective. It is not about you. By not personalizing you will be able to focus on truly hearing the other. If you do not personalize you can decide how you want to respond with the result that you feel empowered.
