When I work with couples they are sometimes surprised at my approach. I work with them on not just on what happens between them but also on strengthening each person individually. The reason for that is that relationships are only as healthy as the individuals that make up the couple.
It is important that each person feels that he/she is an autonomous and a separate human being. I encourage them to be emotionally honest. That means that they are willing to say real “yes’s” and “no’s” instead of what they think the other wants to hear. They are each willing to ask for what they want. They are not mind reading or guessing about each other rather communication is clear and direct.
Another important characteristic is that each takes responsibility for her or his actions. They do not blame or judge but acknowledge what they have done. Additionally they can be counted on to keep promises. Being able to count on each other to keep promises adds to trust.
Each can be counted on to be kind, courteous, considerate and fun to be around. In other words, they relate to each other in a real way. Both can comment on what is going on and together they support each others dreams. They value each other and the relationship they have created. They do not compete - instead, they cooperate and grow together.
