What can you do when you find yourself in a major disagreement with your partner? I am talking about the kind of situation where you are both raising your voices and feel strongly about the subject at hand. This is the kind of situation that we have all found ourselves in at some time or other. This is when you want the other one to understand your position. When that does not happen instead the tendency is for each person to become louder while hoping to be understood. Unfortunately the desired result generally does not happen. Instead both people end up feeling alone and not understood.
Here are a few ideas on how to defuse such a situation.
- You feel strongly about the issue at hand and want to be heard and understood
- It is a truism that the more worked up we become the more we are operating from our emotions.
- When we are all emotion we are no longer able to think clearly.
- Therefore, it becomes important to find a way to calm oneself by breathing deeply or taking time out. You may have to say “I need to calm myself down first so that I can continue the discussion reasonably.”
- When you are calmer think through as to why this is so important to you. Usually there is anxiety and worry about something.
- Be sure to give your partner the courtesy of listening
- When you have both expressed how come this is so important to you it becomes easier to arrive at a solution that both can support.
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